I am number six

I am number six

            Yes that’s me I am the sixth person to enter this thing we all know and love, Skull Squad of course, or SK4l SQAD as some people call it (Devin). I wasn’t there for its creation but I have watched it grow from seven to the thirty some right now. It was Fasa as first commander, then Heavy, Moose, and finally Trigger. These four were supposed to be best friends forever. They accepted us into this group and welcomed us and no one should forget it. If you do then you really have no business being around here. I have issues with the way things are going. Something feels wrong to me and it is probably a lot of my own fault for not doing things in more of  a manner of an adult.

            So here is my story you don’t have to read it but this is it in a nut shell of sorts. I dropped out of school because I feared that my dad (not the one I live with he is my step dad) would come to my school. By law he had the right to know where I lived, where I went to school, and could visit me anytime. When I was fifteen he attempted to take my life. No this is no joke, he got mad at me one day when I walked in front of him to get to the trash when he was on his way to the sink. I had cleaned the  kitchen only hours early and him being a pack rat having things in there place and a few things missing ticked him off. He began yelling at me about how I was ugly and stupid and that I had no right to even be breathing. I got in his face and said he was a fat slob who should take a long walk off a short bridge. He was 250lbs at the time and I was around 120 he took all of his weight and pushed me into the counter and began crushing me. As he began raising his hands to my throat our house keeper walked in and pulled him off. I had bruises on my lower back for two weeks.

            My grandparents heard about it and told him he was never allowed to touch me again. My parents fighting became worse and worse. It was the day before my sisters 12 birthday party at four in the morning. I never slept, it was the summer who sleeps? But I heard a loud bang and ran to my parents room. My mom was on top of my dad on the floor fighting. I called my grandmother and she called the cops. I got Misa out of the house and back with my grandfather at my grandparents house, thank god they only lived 100 ft away. My dad was taken away in hand cuffs.

            After a long song and dance in court my mom won custody of us and we moved here to Colorado. I had  been home school since I was in the eight grade and was to enter Smoky Hill High School as a sophomore. I began to go to classes, it was hard and I was scared. Soon I hurt my ankle and used that so I wouldn’t have to go. It scared me and the deans said they would keep me safe but I knew it was limited on what they could do. I dropped out and “home schooled” truth is I sat on my bed in front of my computer and learned about programming. July 7, 2009 I lost the best thing in the world to me. He was my everything, he was the reason I woke up in the morning and the reason I didn’t take a knife to my wrists. He had T-1 disc disease, he couldn’t use his back legs and he was in a terrible amount of pain. My step dad Jesse had just moved in and told me I was doing the right thing by letting him go. It was noon my grandmother, Misa, Tesa Wilson, Keo and I took him there. They took him back into the back putting a catheter into his leg and then came in the vet with a syringe filled with a blue liquid. In a matter of a second his lifeless body was in my arms only seconds before I had felt his heart beat. And now my only reason to live was gone.

            Later that night I laid in my bed thinking, crying and contemplating on dying. But the something hit me. He was only five years old when his little heart stopped beating, what age would mine stop beating? He touched so many people in his five years why couldn’t I do it? So because of him I went back to Smoky Hill. With the help from Keo I made it. It was second period on a red day. I had first off and when I went into the room I sat almost in the back on the far side next to the tv in Weissmans room. A kid named Kyle sat by me. Soon I added Japanese and I knew Kon and he introduced me to this huge black dude. Everyone called him Fas. Little did I know but he was in that old mans class to. After a few days Fas and Moose moved and sat right in front of me. I was shy and very quite. They always talked and were loud. It was well known I had the highest grade in the class and I sat over there by the loud boys. But one day I got the balls to say that I had an Xbox and Halo 3 but I had really never played nor did I like it very much. But we all exchanged gamer tags and I sat in front of my tv for about an hour waiting for JDogg 24 x. Finally he got on and we played together. I failed, I couldn’t walk and shoot! It was bad.

            Then I remember one night I had played with Fas and Moose and they wanted to go match make. So Keo and I went into a custom game and were fooling around. This random dude came in with his buddy and started just wiping the floor with us. And Fas had just introduced Keo and I to these dudes, gamer tags, DPD Jacob and DPGS Devin. We told them that these guys were being assholes and once there game was done they came in and exterminated these guys. Then Fas told me they went to our school and we could meet them. I was to meet them the next day, I had to meet up with Moose during lunch at the doors by Cornells room. I saw Moose and then the two others joined as did Fas. We went to BK and walked there. I sat next to Moose quite as ever. Then someone burped and they yelled colors. Jake looked at me and said make a sex noise. My eyes went wide and I shook my head. He said do it or leave. So I grunted and everyone laughed a little. Then we began to walk back and I lost again but this time I made a really girly one and everyone stopped and looked at my and laughed and they said now that’s how its done.

            Fas and I continued to train and I worked really hard. There was something about him that just made me want to get better. He picked on me all the time. But all the guys did. I couldn’t walk and shoot and I didn’t understand anything. It was a new world to me. I was scared of Jake for the longest time. He was mean and rude to almost everyone. And at the time Ashley was his girlfriend and she made me feel small and unwanted. But Devin excepted me pretty damn quick. And then Moose and I dated for like three weeks and Fas was there for me when things didn’t go well in my life. He has been there for me for so long and has done his best to make me feel better.

            I think everyone remember the random shit we would talk about in parties, just goofing off and being silly. And the stupid games we would play like that toilet bowl thing. But things don’t stay happy forever now do they…

            I began to date Stuart on Feb 12, 2010. And it was scary for me to admit I was a jr dating a freshmen. But soon I told Skull and they thought it was nice that I was a bit happier. They didn’t care about his age just that he was a cool guy. And you know he got the you hurt her your dead look from all the guys. It was nice I was a girl in a mans world but that little girl who was surrounded by her big brothers. Those fucks that picked on and teased but would never let get hurt. They were my protectors the very thing that made me feel that I had family.

            Time passes way to fast for anything to stay the same. Things happened both good and bad. At the end of my jr year drama club hated me due to false rumors that spread about me. Skull was there and they kept me safe. I could always be happy around them… until now.

            Just weeks ago things exploded. Fas was kicked out or quit which ever it does not matter. He was gone, the man that really brought a lot of us here and together, the one who was a friend to all of us. Everyone had a connection to him. Everyone makes mistakes and leaders get a lot of the blame. It happens in real life all the time. If something goes wrong it’s the leaders fault but if things are good everyone gets credit. I was tech head for musical and I learned this first hand. Everyone talked about me behind my back and hated me. I did my job and did it very well. Mr. Brown gave me a card which he had never done before and made sure I was recognized for what I had done. But if one thing went wrong it was my fault. Taelor knows exactly what I am talking about she went through the same thing if not more than I did.

            At that time Fas had found out I was talking about him when he wasn’t around. Everything I said about him while he wasn’t around I also told to his face. He was told and hated me. But was told to not tell me, so when this whole thing blew up I was told about how he had been faking being my friend to my face and I lost it. Things I had buried deep within. I lased out like any hurt person would and it went really far. Not only did Fas have a lot on his shoulders but I added even more. Stress gets to all of us and we all lash out, and that is okay because we are only human.

            Fas and I are friends I consider him one of my best friends. We have chilled out many times and have talked even more. He has helped me through things I couldn’t have made it through alone. But pride seems to kill us all. Pride is the fall of man.

            Well now for the whole point of this long song and dance. You know some of my past you might have even scratched it a bit. You might know more and this is as far as you may have gone. But here is my whole point. Fasa is Skull weather you like it or not. Every single person who is a Major or less still will respect him as a commander. He is nothing less in our eyes because he has earned his scars. I don’t really care what has happened in the past but life is really short and you don’t know when it is going to end. My question to all of you is will you let something small ruin something amazing?

            Will you hold onto the past and let it ruin your future like I did for so long. I would have had a 4.0 gpa for all of high school if I would have done well sophomore year. My collage was fully paid for before I lost everything because of my parents divorce. I have been through more that most of you will ever dream. I couldn’t leave my Florida home because in or mail box everyday there were a letter saying those who love the gay, lesbian, tans gendered, and  bisexual would be shot on site. And when you live in a redneck town you take that pretty seriously. Then I let that keep me in a box for years until I lost everything and then gained a family.

            I ask, beg, and what ever you want to call it to allow Fasa back as a friend, brother, and commander. Without him we would have never made it this far. Without Jake pushing everyone to do better we wouldn’t have made it this far. Without Moose’s ways of being an ass to make you think on your toes we wouldn’t have made it this far. And without Devin’s kind, thoughtful words we wouldn’t have made it here. We are Skull and that name is something we all carry around proudly. I apologize for any thing that I may have caused. But I don’t apologize for anything said here. This is me and my feelings.

            Tomorrow no one knows what will come. Who knows one of us might not be here, or one of us could get that big break. Family is something that should stand the test of time. And we as a family failed our first test let’s not fail again. Skulls never die. In Fasa’s own words, “/we don’t die, we rise and soar across the plains of war. WE ARE SKULL.”